Whether you are trans or cis, modern technology has leveled the playing field when it comes to dating, since now, whatever you are into, whoever you are and however you define yourself, you can probably find a dating niche or dating application that suits your needs. As transgender people have become more prevalent in mainstream society and have become more noticeable in film and media, society is coming to terms in how to interact, communicate and somewhat define the trans community, thus transgender dating was born. Inclusiveness has become a major platform for many government and social policies, and so initiatives to give minority groups or otherwise marginalized groups, like trans people, the respect and attention they deserve, has become an important issue to liberal society.
And it should be, everyone has the right to live and love freely, free from discrimination and hate speech. And though it’s been a very rough road for trans people to get recognition and some validation in mainstream culture, there are unwritten rules on how to behave when dating or in a relationship with a trans person that respects their rights and humanity.
So, if you are attracted to a trans person, and want to pursue it further and have never had a relationship with someone trans before, or if you’re a trans person who wants to date someone cis and have so far not had the chance, then these are some simple guidelines that should get you through the murky waters of online dating with your dignity intact.
Don’t use porn as your reference point
Before many have actually met a trans person, they have probably encountered a trans woman, in the least, via pornographic material. Since it’s so widely available online, many have satiated their curiosity by checking out how trans women have sex. But what’s important to keep in mind is that pornography is in essence voyeuristic and so objectifies everyone in front of the lens, especially women, cis or trans or otherwise. So, it’s probably not the best place to get your lessons on how to be with or treat any woman, let alone a trans one.
Keep bedroom talk in the bedroom
It’s never polite to talk about genitals in a social environment. Imagine any date you’ve had with a cis woman, would you bring up any details about your genitals or ask about hers over dinner or drinks? Unless you’re with an escort? When you get to the bedroom phase it’s totally natural to ask questions that are relevant to your orgasm or sexual safety, but until that intimacy develops, it’s probably better to research your questions anonymously online, rather than horrify your date. For trans women, the same goes, talking about your ‘nether-region’ is never lady like, and if you want to be treated with respect, then avoid sexual conversations until it’s imminent.
Don’t give qualified or back-handed compliments
Telling a trans woman she looks so real that you’d never guess she was a man, is not the route to take when giving a compliment. A trans woman is not trying to trick anyone or pass, like the myth society has perpetuated about transexuals for generations. There is a wide spectrum of what being feminine means, and trans women like cis fit anywhere on that spectrum, along with lesbians and bisexuals. Keep compliments real and disassociate them with gender. Someone can be attractive and it doesn’t matter how they identify sexually. For trans women, don’t fish for compliments either on how womanly you look because it will just take your date down that path, and you’ll end up feeling cheated. Confidence is the most attractive feature on anyone.
So there you have it, the basics of transexual dating in a nutshell. And all of it is predicated on being honest and respectful toward your date, just like your mother taught you. So, get out there and just remember the most important thing: to have fun!