People who lost their spouses forever carry a special kind of baggage that very few people can relate to. If you’re one of those people, you know all too well what powerlessness and despair feel like. On the other hand, life really does go on, and the sooner we all realize that after a loss, the better for everyone, both ourselves and those the closest to us. That’s exactly why dating for widowers is a topic that deserves special attention because moving on after losing a significant other, as hard as it is, often turns out to be the healthiest possible step. There are many dilemmas a woman dating a widower faces that we’ve discussed at length, so today we focus on the widower, and what he can do to make things easier for everyone.
#1: Tell The Kids
It’s unlikely they’ll openly support you, but as soon as there is someone in your life you’re going on a third date with, tell the kids. Deep down they’ll understand, but don’t force it on them, and don’t expect praise because no matter how old and mature they are, they’ll never be comfortable seeing you with another woman. They’ll do their best not to spoil anything for you, and to avoid any embarrassing situations or confrontations, but don’t expect them to cheer you on even though they know that being with someone else is good for you, and therefore easier for them than when you’re alone.
#2: Tell Your Closest Friends
Your inner circle should know there is someone in your life, regardless of whether they were good friends with your wife or even her family. They won’t be such a tough crowd as your kids, and will definitely be easier to talk to about these things, especially if you’re approximately the same age with similar life experiences. Take it slow and don’t insist on them meeting her in the early stages of your relationship, but do keep introducing her into your life more and more as time goes on.
#3: Meet On Neutral Ground
For the time being, see your new lady on neutral territory, and try not to bring her back to your place until she’s ready, particularly if you used to share that place with your wife, and some of her stuff is still there. Go over to her house or see her for a dinner and a movie, and take things slow. The first person you date after your wife’s passing might or might not be someone who’s going to stick around for a long time, but that doesn’t mean you shouldn’t do your part to figure that out.