People cheat on their partners for all kinds of reasons. We’re not going to judge you – your reasons are your business. What we can do is help you ensure that your secret affair and cheaters dating adventures remains a secret.
Here is our comprehensive guide to staying safe: 33 do’s and don’ts for keeping your affair secret.
1. USE A PREPAID PHONE
Mobile phone records are the number one way cheaters get caught. Get two prepaid cell phones – one for you and one for your lover. Prepaid means there are no line-item bills to be discovered and studied.
2. DON’T BRING YOUR “PLAY” PHONE HOME
Stash the prepaid phone at work or someplace safe. You absolutely don’t want it where it can be discovered by your partner.
3. USE A FAKE NAME IN THE CONTACT LIST
Even on your secret “play” phone, give your lover a contact name like “Cust. Service” or “Dana – admin.” If your phone is discovered, you can say your employer gave it to you temporarily as you work on a special project.
4. SET UP A NEW EMAIL ADDRESS
Create a new online identity that you use only to communicate with your cheating partner. Don’t use it for anything else. Never, ever communicate with your lover through your regular account.
5. EDIT YOUR BROWSER HISTORY
Browsers let you clear your history with a single keystroke, but a cleared browser history is a red flag. After every session when you’ve had contact with your lover, go to your browser history and edit it manually. It’s time-consuming – but no one ever said cheating would be easy.
6. DON’T CALL YOUR LOVER BY NAME
If you refer to your cheating partner by first name, sooner or later you will slip and use that name with your spouse. Get into the habit of calling your partner something deniable like “baby” or “darling.”
7. CHOOSE A SINGLE LOVER
Having a single lover slashes your affair’s chances of being discovered in half. An unattached partner may have his or her own place, which can be convenient and economical.
8. CHOOSE A LOVER IN A COMMITTED RELATIONSHIP
On the other hand, a married lover is as committed as you are to keeping your affair a secret. Your lover has as much to lose as you do if your affair is discovered.
9. BE HONEST ABOUT YOUR STATUS
If you’re married, tell your lover. If you’re committed to staying in the relationship, your lover should know that too. You’re already lying to your partner – do you want to multiply the risks and complications by creating a second secret life too? No. You don’t.
10. EXPLAIN ABSENCES IN CREDIBLE WAYS
You can do better than “I’m working late.” Your spouse knows the phone number where you work, and may even decide to surprise you there with a working dinner. The working late excuse is going to get you caught – if not when you’re not where you said you’d be, then at the end of the month when your paycheck doesn’t include any extra hours.
11. GET A FRIEND TO COVER FOR YOU
Your partner will probably accept “boys’ night out” as the excuse for an occasional absence. Tell a trusted friend what you are up to and get your friend to promise to cover for you.
12. NO CHEATING ON BUSINESS TRIPS
It’s tempting to take a secret lover along on a business trip. But your colleagues could well notice, and they are not guaranteed to keep your secret. Your partner knows where you are, and can check up on you. And you’re sunk if your lover makes even a small error like answering the phone in the hotel room.
13. DON’T CHANGE YOUR ROMANCE ROUTINE
Partners understand that chocolates and flowers are often the sign of a guilty conscience. Don’t assuage your guilt with romantic gifts. By the same token, try not to become cold and distant overnight. Keep your routine, keep your habits. Don’t give your partner a reason to wonder why anything has changed.
14. DON’T JOIN A GYM
Yes, having an affair has put a spring in your step. You’re feeling young and carefree. But now is not the time to start a diet, join a gym, or buy stylish new clothes. Every change is a potential red flag that can awaken your partner’s suspicions.
15. PAY IN CASH
Your credit card statements are like a road map of where you’ve been and what you’ve been doing all month. If worse comes to worst, your partner’s divorce attorney will use those records to prove your infidelity. Be smart. Pay in cash.
16. CULTIVATE A SECRET IDENTITY
Think Superman and Clark Kent. Forget your day-to-day identity while you’re cheating. Lock your wallet in the glove compartment of your car. Don’t let your secret lover know too much about your real life. Be safe and you may not be sorry later.
17. AVOID MAKING NEW ROUTINES
Lunch-hour quickies and right-after-work rendezvous can be convenient, but they create a pattern of times that your location isn’t accounted for and you’re not answering your phone.
18. GET OUT OF TOWN
Take your new playmate out of town. You don’t want to be spotted by friends or co-workers. You don’t want your partner to spot your car in a hotel parking lot when she drives to the market. It’s less convenient to drive out of town, but it’s definitely safer and smarter.
19. AVOID THE “L” WORD
You’re already entangled in one relationship. Keep your affair light and fun. Choose a lover who is in a committed relationship or who isn’t looking to settle down and is aware that there is no regular dating for cheaters. Your playmate has the power to ruin your life if she decides that if she can’t have you, no one can.
20. KEEP CLEAN CLOTHES HANDY
Mussed clothes, lipstick stains on the collar, the smell of sex…your clothes can reveal your secret before you say a word. Keep your clothes clean and keep spare clothes handy just in case. Make sure your lover doesn’t wear a scent on date night – your partner’s nose is sure to be sensitive enough to detect perfume or cologne, especially once their suspicions have been aroused.
21. BEWARE OF SELFIES AND SOCIAL MEDIA
It’s tempting to post photos to “prove” you are where you said you are. Just make sure your lover’s car isn’t in the background, or her jacket hanging from a chair behind you. Photographic evidence can work against you.
22. NEVER TALK ABOUT YOUR AFFAIR
It’s tempting to boast about your affair, but all you’re doing is raising the risk that you’ll be discovered. Keep your lips zipped.
23. DON’T CHANGE YOUR BATHING ROUTINE
People are consistent about bathing. Some shower in the morning, some bathe at night…the point is that your lover knows your routine. If you come home late from work and head straight for the shower, that’s as good as a confession.
24. AVOID PROMISES
Your lover will be thrilled when you talk about how you want to leave your marriage to be with them someday. But you need to be thinking about the endgame even in the early innings. Don’t make promises you don’t intend to fulfill, or you’ll risk making a dangerous enemy when you break things off.
25. DON’T BRING YOUR LOVER HOME, EVEN IF YOU LIVE ALONE
Your partner will sense your lover’s presence in your home. You’ll never remember to erase every sign that your lover has been there. Something in the bathroom or the kitchen trash will give you away. Even if you manage to erase the evidence, your busybody neighbors have seen your fling going in and out. It’s too risky.
26. BE CAREFUL WHERE YOU “DO IT”
The smell of sex will linger in an enclosed space like your car. Driving around with the windows down might get rid of the evidence…or it might not. Are you willing to bet your relationship?
27. TELL AS MUCH OF THE TRUTH AS YOU CAN
A suspicious partner will tear your story apart like a criminal prosecutor. Remember, lies are vulnerable to being disproved. As you concoct cover stories to explain where you are when you’re with your lover, tell as much of the truth as you can. You may need to verify the facts at some point. Every little lie will feed your partner’s suspicions.
Dating two women costs three times as much as dating one. You’ll see.
29. USE CONDOMS
Don’t be an idiot. The last way you want to get caught is by bringing a sexually transmitted disease into your committed relationship. Also, using a condom can protect you from a fling who has decided she wants to snare a guy with an “unintended” pregnancy.
30. TURNABOUT IS FAIR PLAY
Don’t be surprised if you catch your partner in an affair. Even if she doesn’t suspect your infidelity, she must be as aware as you are that your relationship isn’t all it could be. Your partner may start an affair with someone you hate. Or worse yet, your best friend.
31. DENY, DENY, DENY
If you’re confronted by your partner, your best response is to laugh. “You think WHAT?” Act entirely bewildered.
32. UNTIL DENIAL DOESN’T WORK
When the evidence comes out, confess everything. Swear it was a meaningless affair. Beg for forgiveness. Get proactive about couples counseling. You may be able to salvage your relationship.
33. ASK YOURSELF WHY YOU’RE CHEATING
If you’re looking for a little lovin’ on the side, it’s because you aren’t getting everything you need from your committed relationship. Maybe it’s time to admit that and break up. That way your affair doesn’t have to be a secret. You can breathe easy and maintain your self-respect. Wouldn’t it be great not to be a cheater?